During a friend’s recent visit we had a few hours to be with the horses. We went into the pasture to relax with a few tarot/ oracle card decks for fun, including one deck called “Touched By a Horse” by Melisa Pearce. As we were observing the herd and pulling cards the recently arrived burro, whom we call Bunny, walked over to us.
The last few weeks Bunny has been very “pushy” about getting into my space, particularly when I’m doing what I love to do, sitting on the ground and meditating out in the pasture. She has literally tried to back up into my lap, presumably for butt scratches, which I haven’t let happen of course since it would be a painful interaction of burro hooves on human legs. I adore this dear burro, yet this has been really frustrating for me lately.
Back to sitting on a blanket with my friend. Bunny was coming into our space as I was pulling a card for myself and I suddenly had a desire to pull a card for Bunny. It was a beautiful card called “Sage Wisdom” about completing a cycle, the pain and grief of endings, and freely expressing emotions instead of suppressing them. As I read Bunny’s card aloud I found this deeply touching, and it occurred to me that Bunny has been through a few very large changes in the last two months. She left her homeland of Arizona where she was originally born wild, moved here with the female horse who has been her constant companion for several years, and joined two new herd members. Naturally, there’s been a big shift in Bunny’s relationship with the mare. The three horses hang out together a lot and have their own dynamic. While Bunny is usually nearby I do observe that she’s oftentimes the odd one out. As we were sitting with Bunny I could feel a deep sadness, and interestingly as we sat with her and this information, we observed that Bunny was no longer pushing to get into our space, she was simply with us, respectfully a few feet apart. We could touch her if we chose but she wasn’t walking all over us.
As I’ve sat with this it occurs to me that there’s a lot of wisdom here for our interpersonal relationships. At times I feel annoyed with people I love, or I’ll feel pain and discomfort in response to something they’ve shared. And sometimes people do things like Bunny, like a kid trying to get our attention. We can’t really control this – life presents us with things outside of us that cause discomfort. Whether it’s a situation, a person, painful thoughts within us, or a pushy donkey, things happen that don’t go exactly the way a part of us “wants.” Yet what is possible when we are open to simply feeling what is without judgment, pushing against it, or trying to fix it? When we feel the tension that may arise within us, in our bodies? Whether Bunny is or isn’t grieving isn’t really important, although it did feel true in that moment. What is important to me is that my friend and I felt the feeling, felt the tension, and what was being presented. In doing so we witnessed another being, and that was a beautiful opportunity. Bunny responded by simply being with us, she no longer needed to push the boundary. What would have happened if I’d paused to listen to her on the days before when she was pushing into my space?
I’ve been on both sides of the situation with other people, the one who needed to be witnessed for the pain I was experiencing as well as the one witnessing, and I probably am daily. Similarly, I most certainly am on both sides of this with myself daily, witnessing a part of myself that is uncomfortable or in pain. This feels like a really vital part of relationship, the giving and receiving, and the love that is possible when we hold space for ourselves and/or each other. Years ago I probably thought more about wanting to “say the right thing” to the person sharing their experience, yet I’m slowly learning that more often than not, simply witnessing and being witnessed is its own form of nourishment, and really nothing I can say to another, or another can say to me, will ever improve upon this nourishment.
If you’re thinking “well, you need another burro,” you wouldn’t be the first to suggest that to me! For now however the wisdom of the herd isn’t leading me there, but instead to deeper reflection about relationship, responding to what is, and the power of being with tension with presence instead of always reacting from old limiting patterns. Our bodies hold a deep capacity to energetically connect and open to contraction, which supports us in expanding and flowing with life. When we are aware of the tension within us and choose to pause and notice, from our pure awareness what is, we have so many more options…including seeing with fresh eyes a donkey who may have had her world turned upside down and be in need of connection, not simply pushy and stubborn.