The pause. That feeling when things aren’t moving, options feel exhausted, forcing isn’t working. Perhaps uncomfortable emotions like frustration, anxiety, anger, sadness, grief, or rage arise in reaction to not getting “our way.”
Does this resonate with you? It’s possible that I may not have really noticed this pattern in myself before a few years ago, because before I started being with horses without agendas my approach would have been simply more force. Finding something to do to make myself feel like I’m putting in the effort to get there, to reach the goal. Horses don’t do that though, and doing that with horses does not work.
I’m not suggesting that we sit on the couch and do nothing, but I am offering that when things feel at a standstill, and our minds may be running familiar narratives of blame or victimhood, and the feeling of needing to force something to make it happen arises, then a pause is an option worth considering.
Our conditioning makes us feel like if we’re not working really hard to fulfill our dream or vision or goal then we’re lazy, incapable, ineffective, unworthy. Do you feel this is true? This is a belief system that I bought into many years ago, and perhaps many “successful” people would say this is true, that you must work really hard to make things happen. I don’t know. I do know this is a belief system, and once we are aware of it, we can see more how it’s running us, if it is. Which gives us options.
When I look to nature, I don’t see a lot of force. Pause for a minute and consider your experiences in nature. I do see power, incredible power, that we may even label as “bad” such as floods, fires, thunderstorms, earthquakes. Yet it’s nature being nature, beyond any label or concept we may have for it. The blue jays being blue jays, the oaks being oaks, water being water. All of life coexisting in the wholeness, and the sun continues shining, even above the thunderstorms.
Recently I have felt at a standstill. I feel in between, next steps don’t feel clear to me, as one door closes behind me and the one in front of me isn’t yet fully open. I have felt a lot of emotions, literally energy in motion, such as anger and deep sadness, plus some joy in there, too. Allowing myself to feel the fullness of my human experience has felt nourishing. Even allowing myself to feel compassion for myself, what a powerful feeling! The part of me that very much would like to control and run the show has been highlighted – I can see it so clearly! How much more comfortable this part of me would be if the future was known, if I had clear items to check off every day as I move toward a goal.
And yes, I could choose to try to force some things, make things happen, but the wisdom of the horses invites me to pause, be with them as they graze and follow the shade in the pasture throughout the summer day. Spend time with my garden. Even go to the lake and lay on the beach in the sun. Allow the pause, which simply is what it is. In nature there are so many pauses. And play! Choosing to trust in my nature, that when the next action arises, I will know when and if to take it.
And so even as the thoughts come, with judgments and stories about myself, or life, I choose to be aware. Aware that I am aware. Aware of the thoughts. And allow myself to rest in the pause, even feel the freedom in this pause as I also feel limitations. And trust the flow of life as it continues all around and within me.