I was talking with a friend recently about the cultivation of my heart offering, Inner Freedom LLC, and the sharing of it with other people. In this discussion my friend asked, “what do horses have to do with inner freedom, and just what is inner freedom?” Great question! While it’s an experience and paradigm and therefore beyond words for me, I have found it powerful to try, so here’s what comes to me now.
I grew up riding horses, and I found exploring the woods and fields with Windy to be the safest place in the world. Anything I was struggling with as a kid I could, and would, talk about with her. Needless to say this beautiful pony did nothing to fix anything for me, she listened and shared space with me. And that was just what I needed. I was free to say anything or feel anything, without needing to censor or guard my momentary truth so that it would be “acceptable” to any of the humans in my life. There was a sense I had within me of being absolutely free to express, be who I was, sharing and being with Windy. Inner freedom. With her I felt at ease with life, both within me and around me, even when it was uncomfortable. I wasn’t holding anything in.
As I grew older things changed, and I realize now I buttoned myself up to fit in, be successful, and become the person I thought I “should” be. An inherent part of this was mental: analyzing my experience, judging/labeling/categorizing it, and therefore becoming very detached from my body. I imagine that you might have your own version of this story, as there’s so much we do as humans to try to force ourselves into who we’ve been conditioned to believe we should be. With this limiting belief system I no longer felt able to express, and I unconsciously denied or suppressed so much of what I was feeling. I’d been taught to judge certain feelings, and thoughts, as “bad.” I was attached to only feeling and thinking certain things – happy, positive, good…because so innocently, I wanted to be a good person, and I somehow believed if I had upsetting thoughts, or feelings, that meant I had to try harder to reach…perfection. Well, this left me feeling disconnected. Life felt really tight, stuck, frustrating and unfulfilling.
Gratefully, I rediscovered the spaciousness horses offer us to remember our true nature five years ago as I was grieving the death of my best friend and soul sister. I was visiting a farm, and I walked into a field with a horse. Quite unexpectedly tears flowed, the e-motion, literally energy in motion, moved – I felt it, it passed through my whole body and being, and released. Not that I was suddenly never going to grieve or feel sad again, but I felt a shift in that moment. The majestic creature stood with me, holding space for me to feel what was true. This was huge for me, one of those big aha moments, and beckoned me to explore further. Several months later I found and enrolled in The Reflective Horse® Mastery Program so that I could dive deeper and ultimately share (enter Inner Freedom LLC).
In this moment, it feels to me that inner freedom is the spaciousness to be with what is true within us in each moment without judging it as wrong or right, good or bad. Or even, the freedom to not have to analyze, label, and figure anything out. And to take it one step further, when we become aware of our mind analyzing, labeling, figuring things out, the freedom to let go and not attach to it, it’s just a story. Not judging the judgment.
Free to be in our own body, sovereign, experiencing sensations, emotions, thoughts, feelings – energy both subtle and intense – all moving through our awareness. Aware that we are aware, as we dance with life. The horses can offer us this spaciousness if we’re willing to slow down and listen, and the beauty is that we can reconnect to our capacity to hold it for ourselves, too. Plus, in order to be with free roaming horses safely, grounding in our body and awareness is essential.
Inherent in all of this, at least for me, has been a natural exploration of inner/outer, and the dissolving of a very strict separation, playing with how inner freedom changes our outer experience. Simply put, horse medicine offers us the space to remember and embody our true nature. The self that is already whole, innately interconnected with all of the universe, present, infinite.